Longing to Write, to Publish

The fever is rising in me again, but I don't think I should do much about it. It seems like as soon as my babies hit the 1-year mark, I begin to see past the immediate and out to the broader world. I rent movies I've missed that year (or many years hence), start listening to new bands on CD, call up old friends, and begin reading fiction.... a little bit. The one thing I can't let myself do, however, is write fiction. If I were to do that, I'd be lost to my household. There'd be so much bickering between the children if I checked out in the way that would require. There'd be nothing for dinner but hot dogs. Writing the way I want to, the way I feel is worthy, takes all of me. There just aren't enough consecutive moments each day to get to that place.

Telling some of this to my long-time friend Rena in an overdue and wonderful telephone conversation last night, she commiserated and encouraged me to blog. I had to agree that there is merit to that idea. In blog writing, I'm not totally immersing myself in my subject, but I still have the opportunity to work out complex thoughts. And by blogging, I am overcoming some of my shyness, which I realize is a stumbling-block to me ever seeking out publication. Getting published is a life-goal, so I'm going to have to get comfy with my work going out for anyone to read. I just never feel that my brain is up to the task these days. My babies stole my brain.... Nonetheless, I should just get writing. It won't be my best. It may be uninteresting to everyone but me. That's okay for this medium. We'll see if I can keep it up much, though... if I can blog once a week that would be decent. I really have to put my MT studies before this, and they're already tough to fit in.