Why does life have to be so hard, emotionally? Why can’t I just have fun for a l-o-n-g summery season? Not party-hearty fun, but real, deep-down, soul-stirring, satisfying fun, like at a picnic with dear friends… at the beach… for weeks… with beauty and peace and kindness and laughter and great food and long walks and rest, as much as you want of all the above? Is it just that I’m a melancholy or is this dilemma true for everyone? Do sanguines have more fun? Hey, I’m blonde and I’m asking that question! hehehe
I drove somewhere today and soaked in the sunshine, the newly-verdant grass, the popped daffodils…and I thought, here it is, the green season, the season of growth, so clearly evident in our surroundings but also as marked in the church calendar, and I just want the season to be about growth and only growth, about feeling happy, without all the work to do… without the weeds… but the weeds always come, those feelings and problems that rob us of happiness... and the prunings come, from the Great Vinedresser… for our good, but painful nonetheless…. We don’t ever get a true break for a whole season…. There’s always spiritual work to do, in dealing with our emotions, with relationships, with work, etc. I’m sorry to be depressing, just having a day….
Why is it that “If Mama Ain’t Happy, Ain’t Nobody Happy”? I’m thinking that could be viewed at least two ways, and I wonder which people mean more often: If Mama is a grump, everyone suffers because she’s suddenly a brute…. Or, if Mama is a grump, everyone including the papa is suddenly lost and unhappy because they look to her to be the family planner, the spiritual lamp, always joyful and patient, ready to offer a listening ear, a word of praise, an explanation, a band-aid, a hug, a bedtime story, a heartfelt talk, some homemade cookies…. Such a lot of expectations on just two shoulders. Just having a day….
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my daughter and dog
cleaving to the present while listening at the horizon...life as a devoted wife, mother, saint, human, friend, writer and organic-farmer-wannabe
Blue Yonder Dreaming
my daughter and dog
About Me
- blueyonderchild
- I am 38 years old, and I feel like I live at the Edge of Life, not because I'm any kind of daredevil, but because I have always lived with my hopes pegged on the future. I’ve been a wife for 16 years to my best friend, and I’m the mother of five amazing individuals ages 14 to one. I confess Jesus as Lord with solemn humility and endless thanksgiving. I’m an idealist who spends much time in the "world of what could be." I yearn for the bright skies of the American west even as I try to be of use in my midwest community. I have political leanings and support civic activism, but I don’t feel defined by that as much as by the Beatitudes. I’m passionate about children, motherhood, horses, organic gardening, sustainable agriculture, literature, the ministry of reconciliation, authenticity, holiness. I take my name from a favorite song by John Hiatt, "Child of the Wild Blue Yonder." Oh, and I can be funny, usually when I least expect it. And I have a suspicion I'm verbose.
3 comments:
wow, that post really hit me. i think i relate to being a little more serious or melancholy deep down (which no one believes!)
i think there's a balance, and it's definitely good to allow yourself to have a "bad day", and to even blog about it!
i think mama can be a grump occasionally, knowing it will pass, and letting her loved ones know it will pass as well.
i've noticed that when i actually admit to have a rough day or being grouchy, dan gets a kick out of it. i think knowing someone accepts you, grumps and all, is a gift.
and i have to say, i feel like i can almost relate, and i don't have kids! just 3 old dogs, a crabby (but sweet) boyfriend, a stressful job, and an old house needing tons of repairs. i cannot imagine how i would handle kids in the mix!
i just think there's value in you talking about the bad days. people might think it's easy for you. you have so much joy about life, it might be worthwhile to talk about the rough spots, for those who only see the rough spots.
i am going to try and post about my own stress, and secret sanguine-ness. i think i just invented a new word!
ARE you a sanguine? And a blonde?! No fair! ;-)
I don't think of you as a sanguine, but perhaps that's because my melancholy spirit always rubbed off on you when we were together... you were always philosophical with me. I see the other side of you in your blog, though! :-p
I look forward to reading up in your blog soon--perhaps after I return from this weekend at my parents'....
Oh, I hope your would read that :-p above as only the silly razzing it was meant as. With a smile.
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